14 Tips To Restore A Broken Relationship!

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 Marriage is the most beautiful example of God’s amazing plan for us. Marriage is such a strong, healthy, and sacred union between a man and woman that even the Holy Spirit is called a “gift of the bride”- (Heb. 2:19).

When a relationship has been broken, however, marriage can become the ultimate test. God says that he “upholds the marriage covenant even when human beings have refused to do so” - (Heb. 13:4).

If we’re in a marriage that feels like it’s been broken, we may feel a mixture of both disappointment and anger, particularly when we realize that the reason, we have problems is our sin. We’re disappointed because of the pain we’ve experienced, and we’re angry at the one who sinned.

But sometimes the problem is the other person’s sin, and when that happens, the relationship can feel broken for very different reasons. One spouse may be a faithless, immature, or rebellious man or woman.

The other may have been a faithless, immature, or rebellious spouse. And if that’s the case, it can be frustrating to realize that the cause of the problem lies in the other person.

As Christians, we know we need to follow God’s law— and we certainly don’t want to break God’s law— but it’s difficult to figure out how to follow God’s law without violating someone else’s.

 We need to pray for both parties. But there are some things we can do to restore a broken relationship, and this is the first step. Now let us see what these guides look like:

1. Recognize And Mourn The Harm Done To Your Spouse. 

Don’t try to “fix” what’s wrong between the two of you in your head. God gives each of us free will, and we all make mistakes. Don’t get frustrated or feel pressured by your spouse. Don’t act as though there’s a right and wrong answer for you because there isn’t.

Sometimes God will make you realize the wrongness of your actions— and that’s okay! The goal isn’t to convince your spouse that you’re right and he or she is wrong. It is to accept and learn from the circumstance.

When you know and understand the nature of sin, you can move forward with compassion for your mate.

When your spouse's behaviors or decisions cause you pain, you don't have to stay in the relationship if you don't feel secure or can't live with his or her sin. That’s the only right thing to do because the relationship is a sacred one that God intends to be a refuge of protection for you.

2. Apologize.

“You’re sorry for the wrong things you’ve done? I’m sorry that I was a bad husband. I’m sorry that I let my pride come between us. I’m sorry that I wasn’t the kind of man you need in your life. I’m sorry that I acted so immodestly with someone other than my wife.

 I’m sorry that I lied to you and caused you great pain.” You have to learn to be able to say sorry. Most people aren’t able to get humble and to do this, is a big issue for them.

3. Make Amends.

In order to restore a relationship, both people need to work together to make amends. I’m not talking about working at forgiving your spouse— that’s for God. I’m talking about working at forgiving yourself.

As the saying goes, “A change of heart does not spring from the outside but the inside.” If you don't want to remain the same person as your spouse any longer, you must alter your perception of him or her. You must examine yourself and seek the Holy Spirit to reveal what needs to be changed

4. Get Counselling And Professional Help.

You may need to seek counseling to help you deal with your problems. People don't always know what's going on in their lives, and they don't always comprehend the harm they've done.

 One-on-one counseling with a qualified professional produces the greatest and most honest results.

 However, if you don’t have the resources or the motivation to seek counseling, you may need to do some research online or read books to educate yourself. There are countless books on the subject of rebuilding a marriage, and many of them can be found on Amazon.

5. Learn To Forgive Yourself

It’s easy to blame yourself for what you did and what your spouse did, but that’s not healthy. 

You are no more to blame than your spouse is. We know that we are not to put anyone else in God’s place. If the blame is on you, you need to put the blame on Christ and give yourself grace.

Try to put your wishes and emotions aside and look at the situation from a heavenly viewpoint, even if it's difficult at first. God is the real cause of everything that happens.

So put aside the guilt that you carry for your mistakes, and ask yourself what you can do to be a better wife or husband.

We know that no human being is perfect, so it’s not surprising that we all sin. Be as good as you can be and then strive to become better still.

6. Make A New Decision.

The problem is in the other person, but if you’ve learned something, the relationship can be restored. 

Don’t think about whether you love your spouse Marriage, according to God, is more than just a physical relationship between two individuals.

 It’s a partnership that the Lord wants to have with you. Think about your future and what you’ll do to get out of the situation. You may need to leave your spouse— God can certainly take care of the two of you.

 But you’re not leaving your marriage. If you think that, you’re wrong. But if you eventually didn’t leave, then you and your spouse will both have to figure out a way to be happy again. Even though you’ll have to keep the marriage in the picture.

 It’s not fair to your spouse to just disappear and walk away without an explanation. The reason for your decision should be that you want to be happy. You want to enjoy marriage and be the best husband or wife that you can be.

 Don't feel forced to stay with your spouse just because you should. Make your decision on what will give you the best chance to be happy in your life.

7. Talk To Your Spouse.

There are always better ways to communicate than arguing and yelling. In the best of marriages, it’s not unusual for the man or the woman to talk with the other person. 

You need to do that for your own sake, and you need to do that to get an apology and make amends.

 Let your spouse know that you know what he or she has done wrong. Tell him or her that you want to forgive them, and explain why you’re doing that. 

If you need to apologize, then apologize. If you need to make amends, then make them.

If you want to discuss your future, then do that as well. When you get together, be humble. You must accept your partner for who he or she is, as well as your own imperfections.

Don’t assume that the fault is on you, or that your spouse has to change to make up for what he or she did wrong.

Your marriage is a journey rather than a destination. And if you’re willing to make some changes in yourself, then your marriage can change as well. Don’t lose hope— the Holy Spirit is ready to help you.

8. Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage.

You shouldn’t give up on your marriage just because you’ve broken it. Just because you’ve sinned doesn’t mean that your marriage is over.

Don’t give up on the two of you because you had a fight or because you were angry. God gave you marriage as a gift, and if He wants the two of you to stay together, He will supply the remedy.

9. Keep Your Spouse In Your Thoughts And Prayers.

One of the reasons that we tend to give up on a marriage is because we’ve given up on God. When you stop praying for your marriage, you stop believing in the power of prayer.

So even if you’re not sure that you can find a solution to the problem the couple of you, pray.

It can be scary to do because you might have to ask God to get involved. But you might be surprised at the results.

 After all, you have nothing to lose— and it’s something that you can pray for even when your spouse is out of earshot.

10. Pray About What To Do.

Sometimes, we think that there’s only one way to make our marriage better, and that’s by getting a divorce. However, this only gives your spouse power over you. If you're not going to make it, don't put yourself in a situation where you'll be wounded or confined.

God tells us that we are to stay together “in sickness and in health, for the duration.”- (I Corinthians 6:14) When you get married, you are committed to staying with that person.

Even if there are issues and your spouse's behavior is upsetting, you should keep that promise.

 After all, if you get divorced, your spouse will eventually find someone else who doesn’t have to honor his or her commitment. But if you stay together, then both of you have to honor your commitment.

 It’s better to be faithful than to be weak and to stay in a marriage that you don’t want.

11. Get Professional Help.

This is the most obvious thing that I’m going to say, but it’s still a good suggestion. Get help from a professional if you need to. Don't go it alone if you're trying to find out what you need to do to reclaim your marriage.

 The relationship you have with your spouse is a very important one, and if you’re going to get through the healing process, then you need to have somebody who can help you. 

I’m not talking about a pastor, because there’s nothing that he or she can do to repair the damage that’s already been done.

I’m talking about a counselor who can work with you to help you get back on track. A counselor doesn’t even have to know about the sin of infidelity— he or she can help you work on whatever issues you have.

A counselor can assist you in learning how to make better choices for your marriage, enhance your communication skills, and make lifestyle adjustments to keep your marriage healthy. 

 In my experience, most couples who can get back together make significant changes. 

Sometimes, the only thing that you need to do is to put some effort into your marriage and then put some effort into making some changes in yourself.

12. Take Time To Change Your Priorities.

Just because you broke your marriage doesn’t mean that you have to make your life like it was before you got married. If you spent most of your time doing things for yourself, then that’s what you’ll do after you get back together.

But if you have a selfish or prideful attitude, then you’ll need to be on your guard against it.

 Instead of asking why it’s important to you to do things for yourself, ask yourself why it’s important to the two of you to do things together.

 Make your life about what God wants for you, not what you want for yourself. After all, what’s important is what’s important to God.

 And you can't establish a practice of making short-term decisions. Your marriage will not last unless you prioritize God.

13. You Are Not Required To Love Your Spouse At All Times. 

Love your spouse, but don’t make the mistake of feeling that you have to love him or her all the time.

Don’t let your feelings for your spouse make you forget the power of God. After all, God’s greatest attribute is that He loves.

Christ wants you to love your spouse, but you'll constantly be insecure if you only feel it when you're together.

 Love your spouse, but also keep in mind that he or she needs to feel loved by God as well. You don’t have to have strong feelings for your spouse if you feel it in God. He’s got you covered!

14. Learn To Forgive.

Remember how I mentioned earlier that your spouse probably has some remorse and remorse alone isn’t enough? I think it’s also important for you to forgive your spouse as well.

There’s a reason why God gave us forgiveness, and it’s not just for your benefit. It’s also for your spouse’s benefit. 

When your spouse can forgive, then he or she can receive the gift of forgiveness from God.

You don’t have to love your spouse again— that’s unnecessary. But you do have to forgive him or her. And the sooner that you can do this, the sooner you can start to make your marriage healthy again.